Because herpes doesn't define you, and stigma shouldn't break you.
May is Mental Health Awareness Month, and I want to share something deeply personal, how my genital herpes diagnosis impacted my mental health, and how I found healing through connection, education, and self-acceptance.
As I explained in my herpes story, my initial diagnosis came while I was in a supportive relationship. I was accepted and loved for who I was, and that made the early days of navigating herpes feel manageable. I didn’t carry the weight of shame because I didn’t feel judged.
But everything changed when I became single again.
The Stigma Hit Hard
After my diagnosis, it wasn’t just dating that felt terrifying, it was simply existing in the world. Suddenly, I felt different. Marked. Like I carried something that made me unworthy, dirty, or broken in the eyes of others.
I didn’t just fear rejection, I feared being seen.
I was consumed by thoughts like.
“No one will want me now.”
“This is forever.”
“I’m disgusting.”
For someone who was already an over-thinker and prone to anxiety, this put me into complete overdrive. My brain switched into survival mode, constantly overanalysing, anxious, and emotionally exhausted. I was having frequent outbreaks, and I now realize how much stress was triggering them.
To cope, I started going out more, partying too much, overindulging, anything to avoid sitting with the shame. But that avoidance only fed the stress, which led to more outbreaks, which led to more shame.
It became a vicious cycle.
I was stuck in a loop of silence, stress, and flare-ups, without even realising how much my own avoidance was fuelling it all.
The Shift Came with Sharing
Things started to shift when I began opening up. I’ve never been one to keep things hidden, and once I started telling people, I was shocked at how many said, “me too.” That one phrase made me feel less alone.
While living in Auckland, I searched for more support and found a local herpes meet-up group. To my surprise, the organiser was a senior nurse at my workplace. One day, I stopped her in the hallway and told her I’d found the group. She warmly shared her own experience and encouraged me to attend.
Healing in a Pub? Yep.
I went to my first meet-up soon after. It was a casual gathering at a pub, with people openly chatting about their experiences with herpes. It was one of the most healing moments. For the first time, I felt seen, understood, and normal.
That’s when I truly began to believe:
The stigma is worse than the virus.
Let’s Talk About Double Standards
One thing that continues to frustrate me is how normalised cold sores are.
Cold sores = HSV-1 = herpes.
But genital herpes? Suddenly it’s shameful.
I’ve had so many conversations with people who say, “Not me, I just get cold sores.”
Well, that is herpes too.
We need to stop pretending it’s different.
You Are Not Alone
Herpes doesn’t define your worth. It doesn’t make you dirty.
It’s a skin condition. It’s manageable. And it’s common.
But the shame and silence around it? That’s what harms people. That’s what isolates and breaks us down. And that’s why I speak up.
This Mental Health Awareness Month, I want to remind you:
You’re not alone.
You are not broken.
You are not unlovable.
You are still worthy.
And you are still hot, with or without herpes.
Let’s keep having these conversations.
Let’s keep breaking the stigma.
💚 BONUS GUIDE: 5 Ways to Mentally Cope with a Herpes Diagnosis
Whether you're newly diagnosed or years into your journey, the mental toll of herpes can be heavy, but you're not alone, and you can find peace.
Here are 5 things that helped me shift from shame to self-acceptance:
1. Talk About It
Silence feeds shame. Confide in a trusted friend, join a support group, or follow relatable creators online. You might be surprised who says, “me too.”
2. Learn the Facts
Stigma thrives in misinformation. Understanding what herpes actually is (and isn’t) can replace fear with clarity. Knowledge is power, and peace.
3. Regulate Your Nervous System
Stress can be major trigger for outbreaks. Find ways to soothe your system, deep breathing, yoga, journaling, or simply walking barefoot in nature. Your body is listening.
4. Challenge the Inner Critic
That voice telling you you’re “dirty” or “unlovable”? That’s not truth, that’s shame talking. Start replacing it with kinder thoughts, even if you don’t fully believe them yet.
My personal mantra, Repeat: I am loved, I am enough, I am beautiful
5. Connect with Community
Being in the same room (or group chat) with others living with herpes can be game-changing. It’s where healing begins, and where stigma ends.
May is Mental Health Awareness Month, and I want to share something deeply personal, how my genital herpes diagnosis impacted my mental health, and how I found healing through connection, education, and self-acceptance.
As I explained in my herpes story, my initial diagnosis came while I was in a supportive relationship. I was accepted and loved for who I was, and that made the early days of navigating herpes feel manageable. I didn’t carry the weight of shame because I didn’t feel judged.
But everything changed when I became single again.
The Stigma Hit Hard
After my diagnosis, it wasn’t just dating that felt terrifying, it was simply existing in the world. Suddenly, I felt different. Marked. Like I carried something that made me unworthy, dirty, or broken in the eyes of others.
I didn’t just fear rejection, I feared being seen.
I was consumed by thoughts like.
“No one will want me now.”
“This is forever.”
“I’m disgusting.”
For someone who was already an over-thinker and prone to anxiety, this put me into complete overdrive. My brain switched into survival mode, constantly overanalysing, anxious, and emotionally exhausted. I was having frequent outbreaks, and I now realize how much stress was triggering them.
To cope, I started going out more, partying too much, overindulging, anything to avoid sitting with the shame. But that avoidance only fed the stress, which led to more outbreaks, which led to more shame.
It became a vicious cycle.
I was stuck in a loop of silence, stress, and flare-ups, without even realising how much my own avoidance was fuelling it all.
The Shift Came with Sharing
Things started to shift when I began opening up. I’ve never been one to keep things hidden, and once I started telling people, I was shocked at how many said, “me too.” That one phrase made me feel less alone.
While living in Auckland, I searched for more support and found a local herpes meet-up group. To my surprise, the organiser was a senior nurse at my workplace. One day, I stopped her in the hallway and told her I’d found the group. She warmly shared her own experience and encouraged me to attend.
Healing in a Pub? Yep.
I went to my first meet-up soon after. It was a casual gathering at a pub, with people openly chatting about their experiences with herpes. It was one of the most healing moments. For the first time, I felt seen, understood, and normal.
That’s when I truly began to believe:
The stigma is worse than the virus.
Let’s Talk About Double Standards
One thing that continues to frustrate me is how normalised cold sores are.
Cold sores = HSV-1 = herpes.
But genital herpes? Suddenly it’s shameful.
I’ve had so many conversations with people who say, “Not me, I just get cold sores.”
Well, that is herpes too.
We need to stop pretending it’s different.
You Are Not Alone
Herpes doesn’t define your worth. It doesn’t make you dirty.
It’s a skin condition. It’s manageable. And it’s common.
But the shame and silence around it? That’s what harms people. That’s what isolates and breaks us down. And that’s why I speak up.
This Mental Health Awareness Month, I want to remind you:
You’re not alone.
You are not broken.
You are not unlovable.
You are still worthy.
And you are still hot, with or without herpes.
Let’s keep having these conversations.
Let’s keep breaking the stigma.
💚 BONUS GUIDE: 5 Ways to Mentally Cope with a Herpes Diagnosis
Whether you're newly diagnosed or years into your journey, the mental toll of herpes can be heavy, but you're not alone, and you can find peace.
Here are 5 things that helped me shift from shame to self-acceptance:
1. Talk About It
Silence feeds shame. Confide in a trusted friend, join a support group, or follow relatable creators online. You might be surprised who says, “me too.”
2. Learn the Facts
Stigma thrives in misinformation. Understanding what herpes actually is (and isn’t) can replace fear with clarity. Knowledge is power, and peace.
3. Regulate Your Nervous System
Stress can be major trigger for outbreaks. Find ways to soothe your system, deep breathing, yoga, journaling, or simply walking barefoot in nature. Your body is listening.
4. Challenge the Inner Critic
That voice telling you you’re “dirty” or “unlovable”? That’s not truth, that’s shame talking. Start replacing it with kinder thoughts, even if you don’t fully believe them yet.
My personal mantra, Repeat: I am loved, I am enough, I am beautiful
5. Connect with Community
Being in the same room (or group chat) with others living with herpes can be game-changing. It’s where healing begins, and where stigma ends.
