I want to talk about something that does not define my worth, to take its power away and show others that living with it does not have to be a big deal, I’m talking about herpes. After much time, through explorations in art, open discussions and self-acceptance, I can now confidently talk about my genital herpes journey.
I have always been drawn to and enjoyed making provocative art; I like art that makes you think that’s triggering and brings up raw emotion. Throughout my adult art journey, I have made art from porn images, period blood and semen. I love having narratives that are thought-provoking and sexual. I painted my first vulvas ten years ago. I don’t remember why but I recall being captivated by the yonic, cave-like appearance and the depth and beauty of my images; I didn't paint any more vulvas for many years. Then through my genital herpes journey, I was redrawn to painting vulvas and studying them, especially my vulva. I have had genital herpes for about 8-9 years; initially, contracting herpes was not a massive deal; I was in a relationship and accepted for who I was by my partner. But when I became single, my herpes became a huge burden, and I felt the societal stigma weigh heavy on me, I felt shame for having a sexually transmitted infection. I felt less than and not enough, I felt dirty and that no one would want to date me. I started to bring herpes up in conversations and discovered I was not alone and that others, too, shared the same diagnosis both genitally and orally. I researched the topic, informed myself, and practised an informative speech for potential dates. I learnt the acronym BDSMR ( Boundaries, Desires, STIs, Meaning, Relationships) which I will talk about in another blog; this acronym became a tool to help me make sexual topics not just about me but a shared experience where we both get vulnerable
So, I started putting myself out there and dating again; I didn’t initially engage much sexually with anyone but practised telling people about my situation on first dates and over messages. What I found surprising was that the large majority of people did not care, and most people had no idea what sexually engaging with a person with herpes meant or any of the risks involved. I spent a lot of time educating potential dates/partners and getting more and more confident speaking about the topic. Fear of rejection was the most significant barrier in my mind, that I would not be wanted, and yes, I did experience rejection and quickly got over it, realising it was not a big deal, I am not for everyone, and that’s ok.
The times that I did get rejected it wasn’t even about herpes, but other issues. Yes, there are a whole bunch of other things we can get rejected for; the problem was that I was focusing on herpes as the sole reason and not all the other stuff. While this was all happening, I realised I had become disconnected from my vulva; I would scrutinise my vulva in the mirror, looking for outbreaks but not looking at my vulva with love and seeing her beauty, I had my nurse vision on (yes, I am a nurse ). So, I felt something had to change; I took part in a sexuality course that helped me reconnect lovingly to my vulva and feel more love and compassion towards myself. Then I started painting vulvas again, a lot more vulvas; I would lovingly study mine and draw her and others for hours, I fell in love with the process.
The more I studied the pussy and more I recognised the gap between self-love, empowerment and the vulva. I started to think “Wouldn’t it be amazing if more vulva owners could fall in love with their vulvas to accept them as the beautiful organ of wonder and power that they are and no longer feel shame or stigmas from society or themselves”
So my pussy power journey began and it continues to grow. My herpes journey is ongoing, have my ups and downs. Initially, had many outbreaks when first contracting genital herpes but with lifestyle changes, being aware of my body, signs of potential outbreaks and the help of medication and supplements, I get minimal outbreaks. I try to be kind to myself when I do have an outbreak which isn’t always easy, but I remind myself of my journey and do my best.
Herpes has made me more aware of my body and overall health, it makes me live a healthier life and I’ve become more connected to my body, especially my pussy. My relationship with my pussy has grown hugely during my herpes journey in such a positive and loving way, it forced me to connect and be present with my body.
Initially, it took me so long to say the word herpes out loud, like it was a dirty word and even writing it down would make me cringe, but I am now writing and talking about herpes like the common thing it is. Yes, herpes is very common; according to the World Health Organisation's last estimate in 2016, 67% of the world population lives with HSV1, and 13% of the world population lives with HSV2, . In New Zealand, my home county, it is estimated that 30% of sexually active adults have genital herpes. Still, that number is also hard to estimate as 80% of people don’t even know they have the virus as they may have no physical symptoms or minor ones. Now you’re probably thinking, what are HSV2 (herpes simplex virus 2) and HSV1 (herpes simplex virus 1)? HSV2 almost exclusively live on the genitals but can be spread to the mouth, and HSV1 lives orally, on the mouth and face but can be spread to the genitals. So all herpes can be spread sexually, oral to genital, genital to oral and genital to genital; that’s why it's so common and essential for more people to talk about it. Oral herpes is rarely discussed; people don’t disclose it to sexual partners and people think that if they don't have open sores or haven’t had an outbreak for years, they no longer have herpes, this is not true. Herpes simplex virus is for life. It lives in the nervous system, called a latent virus that can reside in your body without symptoms. It can still spread with no outbreaks, called viral shedding, though this is rare it can still happen. People may get regular outbreaks or not, the virus is tricky. With open conversations and awareness, life with herpes does not have to be hidden or make you feel ashamed or stigmatised. Herpes does not define a person’s worth, we define our own worth.
I have always been drawn to and enjoyed making provocative art; I like art that makes you think that’s triggering and brings up raw emotion. Throughout my adult art journey, I have made art from porn images, period blood and semen. I love having narratives that are thought-provoking and sexual. I painted my first vulvas ten years ago. I don’t remember why but I recall being captivated by the yonic, cave-like appearance and the depth and beauty of my images; I didn't paint any more vulvas for many years. Then through my genital herpes journey, I was redrawn to painting vulvas and studying them, especially my vulva. I have had genital herpes for about 8-9 years; initially, contracting herpes was not a massive deal; I was in a relationship and accepted for who I was by my partner. But when I became single, my herpes became a huge burden, and I felt the societal stigma weigh heavy on me, I felt shame for having a sexually transmitted infection. I felt less than and not enough, I felt dirty and that no one would want to date me. I started to bring herpes up in conversations and discovered I was not alone and that others, too, shared the same diagnosis both genitally and orally. I researched the topic, informed myself, and practised an informative speech for potential dates. I learnt the acronym BDSMR ( Boundaries, Desires, STIs, Meaning, Relationships) which I will talk about in another blog; this acronym became a tool to help me make sexual topics not just about me but a shared experience where we both get vulnerable
So, I started putting myself out there and dating again; I didn’t initially engage much sexually with anyone but practised telling people about my situation on first dates and over messages. What I found surprising was that the large majority of people did not care, and most people had no idea what sexually engaging with a person with herpes meant or any of the risks involved. I spent a lot of time educating potential dates/partners and getting more and more confident speaking about the topic. Fear of rejection was the most significant barrier in my mind, that I would not be wanted, and yes, I did experience rejection and quickly got over it, realising it was not a big deal, I am not for everyone, and that’s ok.
The times that I did get rejected it wasn’t even about herpes, but other issues. Yes, there are a whole bunch of other things we can get rejected for; the problem was that I was focusing on herpes as the sole reason and not all the other stuff. While this was all happening, I realised I had become disconnected from my vulva; I would scrutinise my vulva in the mirror, looking for outbreaks but not looking at my vulva with love and seeing her beauty, I had my nurse vision on (yes, I am a nurse ). So, I felt something had to change; I took part in a sexuality course that helped me reconnect lovingly to my vulva and feel more love and compassion towards myself. Then I started painting vulvas again, a lot more vulvas; I would lovingly study mine and draw her and others for hours, I fell in love with the process.
The more I studied the pussy and more I recognised the gap between self-love, empowerment and the vulva. I started to think “Wouldn’t it be amazing if more vulva owners could fall in love with their vulvas to accept them as the beautiful organ of wonder and power that they are and no longer feel shame or stigmas from society or themselves”
So my pussy power journey began and it continues to grow. My herpes journey is ongoing, have my ups and downs. Initially, had many outbreaks when first contracting genital herpes but with lifestyle changes, being aware of my body, signs of potential outbreaks and the help of medication and supplements, I get minimal outbreaks. I try to be kind to myself when I do have an outbreak which isn’t always easy, but I remind myself of my journey and do my best.
Herpes has made me more aware of my body and overall health, it makes me live a healthier life and I’ve become more connected to my body, especially my pussy. My relationship with my pussy has grown hugely during my herpes journey in such a positive and loving way, it forced me to connect and be present with my body.
Initially, it took me so long to say the word herpes out loud, like it was a dirty word and even writing it down would make me cringe, but I am now writing and talking about herpes like the common thing it is. Yes, herpes is very common; according to the World Health Organisation's last estimate in 2016, 67% of the world population lives with HSV1, and 13% of the world population lives with HSV2, . In New Zealand, my home county, it is estimated that 30% of sexually active adults have genital herpes. Still, that number is also hard to estimate as 80% of people don’t even know they have the virus as they may have no physical symptoms or minor ones. Now you’re probably thinking, what are HSV2 (herpes simplex virus 2) and HSV1 (herpes simplex virus 1)? HSV2 almost exclusively live on the genitals but can be spread to the mouth, and HSV1 lives orally, on the mouth and face but can be spread to the genitals. So all herpes can be spread sexually, oral to genital, genital to oral and genital to genital; that’s why it's so common and essential for more people to talk about it. Oral herpes is rarely discussed; people don’t disclose it to sexual partners and people think that if they don't have open sores or haven’t had an outbreak for years, they no longer have herpes, this is not true. Herpes simplex virus is for life. It lives in the nervous system, called a latent virus that can reside in your body without symptoms. It can still spread with no outbreaks, called viral shedding, though this is rare it can still happen. People may get regular outbreaks or not, the virus is tricky. With open conversations and awareness, life with herpes does not have to be hidden or make you feel ashamed or stigmatised. Herpes does not define a person’s worth, we define our own worth.